Thursday, May 5, 2011

The 4th Year Together

It is our anniversary today.

4 years, which in society today.. well.. that's a pretty long time.. right?

This last year has been our most trying.

It's been our worst so far. No No.. not that bad.. but there have been a lot of changes that have really thrown us for a loop.

My job for one. I was use to being a stay at home mom. I cut coupons. Looked for sales. Cooked every night. Cleaned every day. Laundry never piled up. Life.. wasn't bad. We couldn't do the things we do now, but honestly.. it was not bad.

Now John would probably tell a different story. I could hear him saying.. "You wanted to work. You hated being home!!" And although sometimes true.. my heart never really wanted anything to be a stay at home mom.

But I took the job. Got a promotion. Got another promotion. And now.. I am where I am today. Stressed out all the time. Wanting to pull my hair out all the time. At work.. all the time.

It's put a strain on us. We don't have time for each other. And when we do.. I just want to sleep.

Most of you would say.. Quit! It's not worth it!

But yes it is.. Joshua would not have all the toys he does. We would not of been able to fix him up a new room. We are slowly repainting and fixing the house up. We got a whole new bedroom suite. New TVs for every room. I have gotten two new camera's. I have spent about $3000 in clothes the last few months for all three of us. I got my dream purse. We are getting our dream cruise.

Seriously.. I could go on and on.. it's worth it to me. Money can sometimes buy happiness. Sorry. But it's true.

Beyond the job though.. John and I have had many tests of our love and commitment this year.

Joshua is one of them. We love this little boy more than you could ever imagine, but he is a two year old. This has defiantly tested us.

We have two different parenting styles and trying to put them together has just been a big mess.

John is more of the .. "I will bust his butt until he understands".. kind of guy. Or, John will just get frustrated and scream out.. "Fine, take the knife and when you cut your finger off, I am not taking you to the hospital." ... ugh! Really?

I baby Joshua more.. and try to talk through things. I use time outs and take away toys. If I don't want Joshua to do it.. well.. I just take away the knife and let him throw the fit on the floor for a hour if that is what it takes.

Needless to say.. our parenting styles do not mesh and trying to get each one of us to understand the other has been very difficult.

It has tested our love and commitment to keeping ourselves sane and together.

So far.. so good.

And I am making Joshua to sound like he is a terrible child. He is not. He is just a typical two year old testing the waters of his parents. Unfortunate for him.. his parents are a little kookoo when it comes to making discipline decisions.

But fear not Supernanny. We are doing just fine.

The last big topic this year.. is family. My family is close, convenient, and cheaper to visit.

His family lives far.. 4.5 hours away to be exact. For us to make a trip up there for a weekend... is exhausting!! and with gas almost $4 a gallon.. even expensive for us.

And even so.. when we get there, it is a battle on where we are going to stay. John's mom doesn't understand the reason we won't go to her house. (She has someone that lives there that I don't agree with) Maybe someday I will feel OK going there, but the fact that she pushes me.. pushes us.. makes the family only tear more apart. I remember talking to my mother in law about this day.. the day that he would come live there.. and she told me it was OK to be scared. OK to not want to come over. She understood. Completely. Now .. it's a different story.

Either way.. I want to end this part of the conversation. It's still not a happy topic for anyone.

Fact is.. we wish we could visit more.. but due to time, money and people.. it just doesn't happen. I still love my in laws very much. I just wish they would understand.

Bringing the year to a close though...

John and I are stronger than we ever have been. All couples have fights. All couples have bad years. The test is to see if you can make it through. We did.

We are stronger. We love more. We are more committed. We are happy.

(Even though there are days where we want to just lock ourselves in the closet to get some shut eye.)

Life is good.

Four years ago today...


  1. Congrats Jayme for making it this far. Happy anniversary!

    Life definately dishes up some challenges. As for the working vs staying home...that is a daily inner battle for me. I'm not sure that there is a right or wrong. I am here everyday for my kids, but we can't go to Disney and do fun (expensive) things like that.

    The parenting thing...thats rough. What works for us is to ALWAYS be on the same page in front of the kids. We may disagree later behind closed doors...but we never let the kids see weakness between the two of us.

    You two will figure it out, and your love will only grow stronger in the process. I agree, marriages have their up's and down's. That's life. Again, happy anniversary!!

  2. Happy Anniversary!!! Sorry I'm a week late! Just now catching up over here. Life definitely has ups and downs... just enjoy the ups for as long as you can and try to realize the "downs" will pass too... We've talked lots about the working vs stay at home... it's a tough choice but you guys will always do what's best for your family! And you know what the best thing is? You can do whatever you want! (btw Cole thanks you for all the super cool toys he gets to play with when he goes to play with Joshua lol).

    It'll be fun to look back at this post with John one day and see how far you've come. You guys are great. :)