The "C" Word

"Can you believe it.. I'm going to have to lay there for 45 minutes with my boobs poking through a table, while they put this gigantic needle. How am I going to lay on my stomach for 45 minutes. My ribs are going to be sore. Do they know I am not a tummy sleeper?" ... I listened to my mom go on about her procedure.

"And I looked up what jagged edges mean, and normally it comes out to be cancer, "  she said.

"MOM!"

..... "but the doctor just says you never know. It could be..."

"MOM!!!"

"What?".. she looked confused.

"Mom first off, you need to stop looking on the Internet, there are scary things out there ok.  And secondly, maybe its some weird fatty tissue you know nothing about. Maybe you just have weird fat!"


I really didn't want to talk about it. I love my mother with all my heart, but seriously, who wants to hear that she might have to fight for her life.

That she might have Can...

Canc..
Cancer!!  There I said it!

I know my mother wanted to talk about it. Talking makes her feel better. But as she talks.. I worry. I can't live without my mother. Besides my husband, she is my best friend. And I am too old to find another best friend... she knows too much about me... how could I start over? I couldn't.. so my theory is just to not think about it. Push it away. Sweep the thought under a door mat. It could never happen to us. NEVER.


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I called around 3 yesterday.. I knew she was getting her results.

"So, what did the doctor say?"

Silence....  

In that moment.. my heart dropped.. a frog jumped into my throat and my eyes swelled up with tears.

She hadn't said anything yet.

"It's Cancer."

I don't even know what she said after that. Something about Mandi being and Ryan being there and she needed to talk to family to start setting up appointments.

My world was spinning. My eyes hurt. I wanted to cry.

I did try to listen to her, but I was in another world. I just wanted to break down and cry, but I know I couldn't. Here she was.. acting like it was no big deal... just another day in life.. another battle.  She's acting like her a/c broke down and its just so annoying waiting for the guy to come fix it.....

How can she be so strong?

Because... she is my mother.


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I walked in this morning.. and on my desk was a little green book entitled, 'Joy for a Woman's Soul.'

The little letter on top asked me to turn to page 65 and read the passage.


"Defying odds, breaking barriers, not being held back. I know people like that. They're a source of encouragement to me. They hang tough when others give up, forge ahead when others lag behind, choose to be cheerful when others sink in defeat."


So true.. I am learning this from my mother every day.


"Yet even more powerful are the words of Jesus, who challenged his followers to move mountains, walk on water, and prepare a picnic for five thousand. He assured us we would do no less than the impossible."


She will beat this.

And we will be holding her hand every step of the way in our Pink Ribbon Shirts.

We love you mom!!